


Is anybody out there?

by Shes_a_goner



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, Depression, M/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 12:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7976938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shes_a_goner/pseuds/Shes_a_goner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler Joseph was a sad kid ever since his grandpa died when he was nine. Everyone told Tyler that his grandpa was crazy, but Tyler didn't care. He was so close to his grandpa that when he died, he gave Tyler his old keyboard. For years all Tyler ever did was write his fears and play on that keyboard. He did that because his mind was a battlefield and he didn't know why.  His family worried so much about him, they decided to send him to therapy.  There he meets a boy named Josh Dun. Josh has the same amount of problems as Tyer but always has a smile on, whereas Tyler can barely feel a smile deep inside him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Addict with a Pen

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so I'm sorry if it's not the best. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Also sorry if there are typos.

Tyler sits down in front of his keyboard with his fingers hovering over the keys. He hesitates before pressing down, he doesn’t want his family to hear him. He knew they were always listening for him. He lets out a deep sigh, allowing his mind to forget everything but the song he is about to play. His fingers start to play the familiar tune that he created. He searches his mind for the lyrics he wrote moments before.

_Hello, we haven’t talked in quite sometime_

_I know, I haven’t been the best of sons_

_Hello, I’ve been traveling the deserts of my mind_

_And I, haven’t found a drop_

_Of life, I haven’t found a drop of you_

_I haven’t found a drop_

_I haven't found a drop of-_

Tyler suddenly hears his door creak before he hits the long note. His fingers quickly stop playing and the room falls silent. A quiet voice speaks up, Tyler immediately knew it was his mother.

“Tyler, honey, it’s time t-” Tyler raises his hand to make her stop talking. He doesn’t want to hear what she has to say because he already knows, he just doesn’t want to hear it out loud. He doesn’t want to hear his reality. He turns around to face her, she gives him a weak smile which quickly turns into a frown when she sees his face.

“Tyler you’re crying!” she exclaims rushing over to him. Tyler reaches up to his face and feels that it is soaked with tears. He must’ve started crying while he was playing. He freezes with his hand still on his face, his mother puts her arms around him. They sit there like that for a quick moment until Tyler stands up muttering something about how it’s nothing. Deep down Tyler knows it’s actually something, he just doesn’t want his mother to worry anymore than she already is. He heads towards the door but his mother grabs his wrist, Tyler winces.

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore!” A strangled sob leaves her lips. Tyler closes his eyes and sighs again, his mother lets go of his wrist. The room is silent once again.

“I-I don’t know myself either, mom. I’m sorry,” Tyler says shakily as he turns around facing her.

“Honey, don’t be sorry,” she walks over to hug him again. Tyler shrugs her off.

“Let’s just get this over with,” he says walking completely out the door this time. His mother quickly follows him down the stairs. Tyler walks out into the living room and sees his sister, Maddy, and his father watching TV. When they notice him enter the room they look at him with more weak smiles. Tyler can’t help but feel like his family pities him or is afraid of him.

He shrugs the thought off and heads for the front door stopping when he hears his father speak up.

“Don’t be afraid, son,” he whispers so quietly Tyler doesn’t hear what he said.

“Huh?” Tyler says turning around facing his father.

“I said, don’t be afraid,” his father speaks up, “Don’t be afraid to tell this therapist anything. It’s good to talk, even if it isn’t to us.”

Tyler nods and opens the front door, his mother following him outside. The cool evening air hits Tyler in his face making him shiver slightly. He looks down and remembers that he is only wearing a light jacket over a t-shirt. His mother walks past him wearing a thick jacket and heads to the car. Tyler follows and gets in. Once they both are in the car it is silent yet again. His mother pulls out of the driveway and heads down the road.

“Why can’t I drive myself there?” Tyler asks when the reach a stop sign.

“Because I know you wouldn’t actually go,” Tyler nods in agreement with his mother. She is a very smart woman so of course she would know. Tyler didn’t want to go to therapy, infact he didn’t know he was going until early in the week when his brother, Zack, came into his room and told him what their parents were planning. Zack always has his back, he’s the only one that doesn’t act afraid of him. It also helps that their rooms are right next to each other. Tyler trusts Zack the most out of his whole family.

The rest of the car ride was in silence for the most part. His mother tried to get Tyler to speak but he wouldn’t budge. He dosen’t like to talk much, he usually keeps to himself, that’s why he has very little friends.

Finally his mother pulled into a parking lot outside a small brick building with the name of the doctor at the entrance; Dr. Harrison. They park and exit the car. His mother heads towards the door while Tyler justs stands there staring at the building. He doesn’t want to go in there, but he does want to know what’s wrong with him, right? His question is answered by his mom who grabs him, taking him out of his thought, and drags him into the building.

They walk into small waiting room that has too many chairs for the amount of space. His mother goes up the the front desk to sign him in while Tyler looks around. The room has many lights but they are all dim. The carpet is an ugly dark green and the wall is a warm tan. The chairs are all a dark burgundy color and all of them are empty except one.

In the corner of the room there is a boy with dark brown curly hair that’s styled in an almost mohawk with the sides shaved. He looks very out of place here considering he has a happy face. He’s not smiling but it looks like he should be, even though he is looking at the ground. Almost as if he can feel someone is looking at him he looks up and his light brown, almost mocha, eyes meet Tyler’s dark ones. The boy smiles at him and Tyler tries to smile back.

Tyler’s mother grabs his arm and they go sit down at the other side of the room of the happy looking boy. Thoughts about the boy flood Tyler’s mind. _He looks too happy here. Maybe he’s waiting for someone?_ Tyler’s thoughts are interrupted when a door opens and a man emerges from it. The man’s tired eyes finds the boy’s happy ones and he follows him through the door.

“So he isn’t actually so happy,” Tyler whispers to himself while catching his mother’s attention. She opens her mouth to say something but is cut off by someone at the front desk calling her back up there. She comes back with some paperwork to fill out since Tyler is a new patient.

It feels like forever waiting in that small, ugly room, Tyler even starts to drift off after his mother finishes the paperwork. He almost falls asleep before the door opens again to the happy looking boy walking out. The boy sees him again but doesn’t smile this time, he just walks straight out the door to his car. That worries Tyler for some reason. He wonders if the boy is alright and if this therapist was actually a good idea. Moments after the boy’s car is gone, the tired man, who Tyler figured out was Dr. Harrison, walks out.

“Tyler?” He says looking straight at him. Tyler’s mother squeezes his hand as he stands up whispering a good luck to him. The air begins to feel a little thin as he walks to the door. His brain is going haywire trying to figure out what he would even talk about. The man closes the door behind them and Tyler is welcomed with a hallway that is as ugly as the waiting room but with no chairs, only a few doors here and there.

The man walks down the hall and Tyler follows. They walk to the last door at the end of the hallway and go in. The room is also very small, like the rest of the building, but has more stuff. There is an aquarium on one wall, with fish Tyler couldn’t name, and book shelves surrounding it. There is a brown leather couch placed right next to the door that faces a messy desk with a black rolling chair. Dr. Harrison takes a seat in the black chair and beckons Tyler to sit on the couch. Reluctant at first, Tyler slowly walks over the the couch and sits down. He continues to look around the room noticing little things, like the crack in the wall.

“It’s not much but it’ll do,” says the man putting on glasses. He pulls out a notebook and pen from his messy desk. Tyler doesn’t say anything.

“Alright so my name is Dr. Harrison but you can call me Dave,” he glances up at Tyler who stays silent, “Since it’s your first time I don’t expect much but could you at least say hi.”

“I don’t want to be here,” Tyler blurts out. The doctor looks slightly annoyed but keeps going.

“Right, of course not. No one ever does, except my last patient who comes here on his own,” at this Tyler perks up. The doctor is talking about the happy boy, “That’s one hell of a kid,” Dave sits back in his chair.

“What’s his name anyway? Your last patient I mean?” Tyler asks. This question was bugging him for some reason.

“Eh I’m not supposed to share information on other patients but,” Dave raises an eyebrow, “His name is Josh and he comes here at the same time the same day of the week,” Tyler lets this information sink in. The boy, well Josh, intrigued him for some reason. “Enough about my other patients, this is about you,” he stares at Tyler as if he is waiting for him to say something, “Why are you here?”

“Because my family made me,” Tyler says, scoffing.

“No I mean, why did they send you?” Tyler thinks about this.

“I think it’s because they don’t know what to do with me.”

“What do you mean,” Dave begins to write things down. Tyler wonders what.

“I usually just stay in my room and they say they barely know me. I think they pity me.”

“Now I’m sure they don’t pity you-”

“Then what? Are they afraid of me?” Tyler is starting to let his doubts take over, as usual. Maybe that’s why he’s here. Tyler sits there in thought, completely ignoring whatever Dave just said.

“No one really knows my mind and no one knows behind my eyes,” Tyler whispers loud enough for Dave to hear.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Dave stares at Tyler, pen at the ready.

“It’s something my grandfather used to say I just thought it was nonsense since people called him a pantaloon.”

“A pair of pants?”

“Well that’s one meaning of it. In this context, the word basically means someone who is crazy or foolish. My grandfather had problems,” for some reason that Tyler did not know, Dave decided to write this down.

“Were you close to your grandfather?” Dave asks once he finishes writing.

“I was the closests to him. My other family usually stayed away from him because they didn’t understand him. But in a way, I understood him,” Tyler begins to wring his hands, Dave notices but keeps quiet.

“So why did you say that thing your grandfather used to say? What was it, ‘No one really knows-’”

“-my mind and no one knows behind my eyes. I said it because it made me realize why I’m here.”

“Now why’s that,” Dave turns to a new page. “Because I let my doubts consume me until no one knows me anymore, not even me,” Dave writes this down quickly, “No one knows what goes on in my mind because I don’t let them.”

“Why do you do that?”

“My doubts consume me because I’m weak, I don’t want to give people tools that can destroy my heart. I’m also a coward because I don’t face my problems, I just think that if I ignore them they’ll go away. This has only made it worse,” Tyler unzips his jacket because he starts to feel warm.

“Tyler,” Dave leans forward closer to him, “What exactly are your problems?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m here, aren’t you supposed to tell me?” Tyler’s voice gets higher in pitch.

“I need to know your mind before I do that. What’s important to you?”

“My family and God,” he pauses,” but I don’t deserve either of them. I’m not good enough for them. I’m a burden.”

“Why do you feel that way?” Tyler freezes, he doesn’t know how to answer this. Of course he’s thought about it before but he never had to tell anyone.

“I uh, I confuse my family. They spend all their free time worrying about me, that they don’t even worry about themselves. Sometimes my sister doesn’t sleep because she worries too much.”

“Now what about God?”

“Our bodies are supposed to be temples for God but mine is damaged. It makes me not worthy of God’s love. I’ve lost God,” Tyler can feel the tears burn his eyes, pretty soon he won’t be able to hold them back. Thankfully Dave notices.

“I think that’s enough for today. These sessions wear people out, especially the first times,” Dave stands up and Tyler does the same.

“Yeah I’m pretty tired,” he zips up his jacket, “Can we, uh, can we do the same time next week?” Dave looks at him amusingly.

“Does this have anything to do with Josh?”

“Wha- No, no not at all,” Tyler begins to feel very embarrassed.

“Okay whatever you say. See you then,” Dave smiles at Tyler but he just walks out, pulling his hood over his head. He reaches the waiting room where his mother is flipping through a magazine. He approaches her and drags her out of there mumbling when he comes back.


	2. Family Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

When Tyler got home, the rest of his family was waiting in the living room. He walks in and they all stand up with worried faces, except Zack, who says sitting. His family looks like they want to say something but Tyler keeps walking. When he reaches the stairs he hears his mother start to talk about how long the wait was.

He opens his bedroom door and quickly shuts it behind him. He walks over to his bed and sits down. Suddenly there is a light knock on the door, who Tyler assumes is either his mother or father, and Tyler sighs deeply before getting up to answer it. The annoyance in his face leaves when he sees it’s Zack and lets him in. Tyler sits on his bed and Zack pulls up a chair.

“So, how was it?” Zack asks, knowing Tyler would tell him.

“It was,” Tyler dug around his mind to find the word, “small.”

“Small?”

“Well I mean the place was small,” at this Zack smiles.

“No stupid, I mean how was the appointment,” now Tyler gives a small, quick smile.

“Well, stupid, it was….. different. I never really talk about my, uh, issues.”

“Don’t bullshit me, you talk to me,” Zack leans back in the chair.

“I do but,” Tyler looks down at his hands, “we haven’t talked in quite sometime and I don’t tell you everything.”

“And that’s okay, I don’t need to know everything. I just need to know the important shit, so tell me more. And stop looking at your hands,” Tyler looks up at his brother’s request.

“Well first off no one was there except this one kid that looked my age. He had a messy mop of brown hair and he looked too happy to be there.”

“Okay, I don’t need every detail. He’s just some dude that you saw, keep going.”

“Right,” Tyler frowns a bit, “Just some dude. Um anyway my doctor’s name is Dr. Harrison but he said I can call him Dave. He basically just asked a bunch of questions about me.”

“Liikke,” Zack drags the word.

“Nothing special really. Besides, those are supposed to be private sessions. Only Dave knows what I say.”

“Fine. I’ll go ask what’s for dinner,” Zack stands up.

“I’m not hungry but yeah go ask.”

“Tyler, you are tired and you are hurt, you need food” he frowns at his older brother.

“I’m just not hungry, I’ll be fine.”

“Hmm, okay whatever. I’ll tell mom to make less food then,” Zack walks out of the room. Tyler knows his mom always makes extra food for him, even if he refuses to eat. She just worries about her family and loves them.

 

Now that Tyler was alone, it gave him time to wonder about Josh. Why did he look so happy before he went in but came out looking upset? Why did he always come by himself? Why couldn’t Tyler get him out of his mind? Tyler falls back onto his bed in frustration. This Josh guy is making Tyler overthink stuff again. He decides to go downstairs to get a glass of water.

When Tyler reaches the bottom of the stairs he hears his mother and father speaking in the kitchen.

“The boy refuses to tell us anything, how do we know he’ll talk to a stranger, Kelly?!” They must be arguing again about him, Tyler thinks. Tyler walks over and stands behind a wall, out of sight.

“Now Chris, I’m sure this is good for him. If he doesn’t talk to Dr. Harrison at least he is getting out of the house,” his mother sounds like she was crying. Tyler hears someone coming down the stairs and turns around to see his sister. He holds his finger up to his mouth and waves her over to him. She tiptoes over and leans against the wall next to him.

“This costs money! If he isn’t talking then I’m not paying!”

“This is the first time, I’m sure he’ll talk. Hell, how do we know he didn’t talk today?”

“I want either you or me to go with him sometime, I need to know what’s going on.”

“Alright we’ll talk to Tyler,” him and his sister hear footsteps coming towards their hiding spot outside the kitchen. They frantically try and move away to the living room and tumble onto the couch. Their mom walks out and smiles at them.

“Well look at you two,” she beams, “When did you guy’s get down here?” Tyler starts stammering.

“We just got down here, we wanted to watch TV together,” Maddy speaks up for Tyler. He looks over at her an mouths a thank you.

“Oooh that sounds fun! Can the rest of the family join?”

“Uhh..” for some reason Tyler can’t form any words.

“Sure,” once again Maddy saves Tyler. Their mother calls the other two family members and they all gather in the living room. The three children sit on the couch, Tyler in the middle, and the parents sit in living chairs. They turn on the TV and start watching.

“Oh mom, I meant to ask earlier, but what’s for dinner?” Zack asks.

“We could order a pizza? I don’t feel like cooking,” everyone says yes except Tyler. He just sits there staring at the TV. What did he get himself into? He just wanted some water, but now he got sucked into watching TV and eating with his family. That’s the complete opposite of getting water and going back to his room. Tyler looks around and sees his mother is looking at him, waiting for an answer.

“Um, I’m not hungry,” Tyler says feeling very uncomfortable.

“Oh alright. So pizza it is,” she stands up and Tyler feels relieved that he isn’t being stared at anymore. Now all Tyler has to do is get through this show and claim he’s tired. Then he could go back upstairs and back into his room.


	3. Josh

Ever since the night of accidentally watching TV with his family, his mother and father have assumed he wants family time. Tyler has barely had anytime to play the piano because his parents are always bursting in his room to see if he wants to do something. Most of the time he can’t stand to see his mother’s face when he says no so he usually ends up saying yes. The only good thing is that Josh has barely been on Tyler’s mind, but before he knew it it’s time to go back.

This time as Tyler walks out of his house, his family doesn’t stare with weak smiles. Mainly because they were all distracted by things but Tyler was just happy that they weren’t. He gets in the car with his mother and they have another silent ride to the small brick building. When they pull into the parking lot Tyler immediately thinks about Josh again. Should he talk to him?

When they enter the building Tyler looks around for the boy. Yet again he is sitting in the corner of the room and yet again he smiles at Tyler. Somehow he builds up the courage to walk over to Josh.

“Uh, hi,” Tyler says while stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I’m T-Tyler.”

“Hey I’m Josh,” Josh points to the seat next to him and Tyler sits down, completely forgetting his mother is there, “You were here last week right?”

“Yeah I was,” Tyler relaxes a little knowing he remembers him, “How long have you been coming here?”

“About roughly a year. And you?”

“Last week was my first time.”

“Ah, that would explain why I’ve never seen you here before,” Josh smiles at Tyler. Tyler has so many questions but is too scared to ask him.

“Yeah,” is all he manages to say. The door opens up and Dr. Harrison’s eyes lay on the two boys and he smiles.

“Well see ya around, Tyler,” Josh says standing up and going through the door. Then it’s just Tyler and his mother again. He sees her across the room, smiling.

“What?” Tyler asks, the room is small enough he can talk in his normal voice.

“Who was that?” Her smile widens.

“No one really,” Tyler looks down at his shoes.

“Oh come on,” she stands up and walks over to him, “He has to be someone. You don’t just go up to random people and start talking, that’s not you.”

“His name is Josh and I’m not really sure why I started talking to him,” Tyler blurts out.

“Did you think he was cute? You know it’s okay if you’re gay, you’re my pride and joy,” at this Tyler’s face turns red.

“Mom!? Wha-no, I,”

“Sorry I just got excited that you talked to someone,” she sighs. In the midst of their silence they start to hear rain on the window. Tyler looks out and watches the rain fall.

“You know, he is pretty cute,” his mom says, startling him.

“Mom!?” Tyler buries his face into his hands, clearly embarrassed even though no one is around.

“I’m just saying,” his mother shrugs.

“Ugh, fine. He is cute, I guess,” Tyler says full of defeat .

“Aww, my baby has a crush,” she starts to clap silently.

“I don’t even know him, now please stop, I want to watch it rain down,” he looks back out the window to continue waiting.

Several moments later, the door opens and Josh walks out. He looks out the window and sees the rain.

“Dammit,” he mutters, “It’s raining,” Tyler stands up.

“You could borrow my jacket if you want,” Tyler has no idea why he is doing this but he unzips his jacket.

“Are you sure? It’s just some rain,” Josh says smiling.

“It’s pouring out there,” he starts taking off his jacket, thankful he has a long sleeve on, “It’s also pretty cold and you are wearing a t-shirt.”

“Well shit, you’re right,” Josh takes the jacket, “Thanks, Ty.” Tyler is taken back at the nickname, no one has ever called him that.

“Ty, I like it,” Tyler smiles and does his best to not blushing.

“Well I’ll see ya around, Ty,” Josh smiles so big his eyes crinkle as he puts on the jacket, “I’ll give it back next week.”

“Yeah, see ya,” Tyler watches Josh walk out into the rain. He turns around and sees his mom’s face covered in happiness.

“My baby boy is growing up!”

“I was just being nice,” just then the door opens again and Dr. Harrison comes out.

“Ready for round two, Tyler?” he asks and Tyler nods, following him. They walk into the last room and sit in the same spots they did last week.

“So, did you talk to Josh?” he asks once Tyler is settled.

“Uh, yes,” Tyler quickly looks down, “How’d you know?”

“You’re blushing,” Tyler freezes as Dave chuckles, “Plus he told me some kid named Tyler talked to him.”

“H-He mentioned me? Did he say anything else?” Tyler looks up, eyes full of curiosity.

“He may have said more but these sessions are private. Anyway, how are you today?”

“Tired, as usual, and confused with myself.”

“Are you often tired?”

“I don’t sleep.”

“Ever?”

“Only sometimes, but it’s rare. I’m basically a zombie most of the time.”

“Mmhm, and you said confused?” Dave starts to write.

“Well for starters I just walked up to Josh and started talking, I don’t do that. I felt like the breath I saw wasn’t my own,” Tyler pauses, “And now I’m confused as to why I’m opening up to you, I don’t even know you.”

“Some people think it’s easier to talk about stuff with strangers who don’t know them so they can’t compare them to the person they already know. It’s kind of confusing but it gives me a job so…” Dave trails off.

“I suppose I understand that.”

“Anyway,” Dave clears his throat, “Anything else that confuses you?”

“The other night I accidentally ended up spending time with my family and now my parents won’t leave me alone.”

“Wait, you accidentally spent time with your family? How’s that work?”

“How, doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I haven’t been by myself all week.”

“That’s good.”

“In theory it’s good but, but…..” Tyler couldn’t find the words.

“Take your time,” Dave nods.

“It’s just, when I’m with my family I have to pretend to be alright and I’m sick of it. If I don’t pretend they’ll get super worried and shit. I just don’t wanna do this anymore!” Tyler puts his face in his hands. The room falls silent as Dave makes notes.

“Nothing kills a man faster than his own head, Tyler. The more you worry, the worst you get. You overthink things and I think it’s time to give you medication.”

“Uh,” Tyler doesn’t know how to feel.

“If you don’t want to take anything that’s fine-”

“No I do,” he was startled by his own words, “I want to win the battle in my head.”

“Okay good. We are going to start you out with 10 milligrams of Zoloft,” Dave writes down the prescription and hands a paper to Tyler, “Come back again next week and let me know how it’s going.”

“Okay. Uh same time next week?”

“Of course. Have a good rest of the day, Tyler.”

“Y-You too,” Tyler stands up and walks out of the room, at a loss for words. He didn’t think he’d need medicine. He reaches the waiting room and hands the paper to his mother.

“What’s this, sweetie?” She says standing up.

“I’ll tell you in the car,” Tyler’s face is expressionless.

“Is everything okay?”

“Car,” is all he manages to say before walking straight out the door to the car. He gets into the car and closes his eyes. Tyler never thought he was bad enough to need medicine, he just assumed that he just needed to talk and he’d be better. He was wrong.

 

The car ride to get the prescription was torture for Tyler. The rain stopped and his mother kept asking if he was okay. It was driving Tyler crazy, this was only supposed to be a five minute ride but if felt like forever. Finally Tyler couldn’t stand anymore questions.

“ **I’M FINE OKAY**!” He yells at his mother, immediately regretting it when he sees the hurt in her eyes, “Mom, I-I’m sorry.” She doesn’t say anything until they reach the pharmacy. They walk inside and go straight to the desk and hand in the paper.

“Joseph,” the lady behind the counter searches the computer, “Jackson... Johnson- ah Joseph. Your prescription will be ready in about five minutes.”

“Thank you,” says Tyler’s mother and they go take a seat.

“Mom, I’m sorry about yelling,” Tyler says after a moment.

“Oh honey, it’s perfectly fine,” she leans over to hug him, and to her surprise, Tyler hugs back.

“I’m just scared I guess,” they end the hug and Tyler rests his head on her shoulder.

“Shh, I know. It’s going to be okay,” she says in a sweet voice while stroking her son’s hair. They sit there like that until they are called back up.

“Have a nice day!” The girl behind the counter calls as they leave. They get into the car and finally head home.


	4. Taco Bell?

The week is going by quickly. His family isn’t giving him any trouble and the medicine seems to be working, at least on the days he takes it. He still has trouble sleeping but the anxiety levels have gone down a bit.

Tyler sits down on the edge of his bed for the third time that day in the dark. His anxiety may have gone down but his doubts are still there. He forgot to take his medicine today but doesn’t want his family to freak out so he keeps quiet. He’s been sitting in his room all day just thinking. Tomorrow he goes back to see Dave. Tyler has missed his medicine about four days since he got it, he just forgets about it. What if Dave gets mad at him for not taking it. _Why the fuck aren’t you taking your medicine, Tyler? I’m trying to help you!_ The words echo in Tyler’s mind. He doesn’t have an excuse to say and he doesn’t want to lie to Dave.

 

The day was quickly coming to end when Tyler got a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he says seeing Zack open the door.

“How ya doin, big bro?” Zack says while sitting next to Tyler on the bed.

“I could be worse.”

“You look worse, have you slept? Or eaten?”

“.....no,” Tyler looks down at the ground, “I haven’t.”

“You should go eat something, how does Taco Bell sound?” At the mention of one of his favorite places to eat, Tyler perks up.

“That sounds good, but you’re driving.”

“Sweet let’s go,” Tyler slips on his converse and follows Zack out the door. Zack yells that they’re leaving and goes out the door. They hop into the car and zoom down the street. It only takes a few minutes to get there and they quickly get in the drive thru line. Apparently lots of people want Taco Bell because the line is so long it almost wraps around the building. From their spot in line, Tyler can see inside and by the looks of it, the line is also very long.

Tyler scans the inside line and notices a black hoodie that looks awfully a lot like his own. He looks closer at the person and sees the messy brown hair and realizes who it is.

“Josh,” Tyler whispers to himself.

“Who’s Josh?” Zack asks, staring at his brother. The line moves up.

“That guy that also goes to Dr. Harrison, I’ve mentioned him before,” Tyler grins, “I can’t believe it! He’s still wearing my hoodie, look! Look!” Tyler points out the window to where Josh is standing inside.

“Why does he have your hoodie? And isn’t that your favorite one?” The line moves up again causing the Tyler’s view of Josh to vanish.

“Damn,” Tyler whispers, slightly sad he can’t see Josh anymore, “It was, uh, it was raining and I was being nice.”

“Hmm, okay,” Zack glances at his brother, “Do you like this kid or something?”

“Huh?! N-not like that! We’re just friends, besides it doesn’t matter,” Tyler feels himself shrink in his seat. The line starts to move faster and before they know it, it’s their turn to order.

“Okay, okay,” Zack laughs, glancing up at the menu, “Yo, Tyler, what do you want?”

“The usual,” Tyler mutters, looking down at his hands. Zack orders their food and they pull up to the first window to pay.

“So, Tyler has a friend?” Zack says after they pay.

“I’ve always had friends,” he says, sounding defensive.

“Haha, I know, I’m just joking,” they grow silent again. Finally their food comes and they drive back home. Tyler had already started eating in the car so by the time they got home, he only had one thing left to eat.

They go inside the house and enter the kitchen to finish eating. They see their mother sitting at the dining table, reading a magazine.

“Ah, there you boys are,” she says smiling.

“Yeah we went to get food,” Tyler says, unwrapping his burrito.

“That sounds good. Are you ready to go back to see Dr. Harrison tomorrow?”

“I mean I guess…” Tyler trails off. I really only want to see Josh, is what he really wanted to say. That boy intrigues Tyler so much and he doesn’t know why.

“We saw Tyler’s boyfriend at Taco Bell,” Zack says, while biting into his food. Tyler feels his face turn red.

“His boyfriend, eh?” Their mother says.

“He’s talking about Josh,” Tyler says turning to his brother, “and he’s not my boyfriend!”

“You want him to be though,” Zack laughs.

“Fuck off,” Tyler whispers to his brother, hoping his mother didn’t hear.

“Mom, Tyler cursed at me!” Zack fake whines. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“Tyler, language.”

“We’re too old for this, I’m going to my room,” Tyler stands up and walks away up the stairs. He enters the room and slams the door, face still red from embarrassment.


	5. Before you Start your Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! :)

Tyler didn’t sleep at all that night, his mind was consuming him. He thought about many different things. He thought about how he has been more inspired to write lately and he had no idea why. He also thought about his medicine. He never thought he’d need it, he just always thought his issues would just disappear one day.

The sun was rising quickly and Tyler still hasn’t fallen asleep. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s 4:56 in the morning. Tyler has been up all night. He decides that he really wants to sleep some, so he gets out of bed to go look for sleeping pills. He tiptoes down the hall and to the bathroom, immediately checking the cabinet. Luckily they were easy to find so Tyler quickly heads downstairs to get water. He fills up his cup with water and hears the floor creak behind him.

He quickly turns around to find his father standing there with a bat in his hand. He slips the pill in his pocket so his father doesn’t notice.

“Tyler,” he lowers the bat, “What in the hell are you doing up so early?”

“Uh,” Tyler is still in shock, considering his father almost hit him with a bat.

“Oh this?” he father motions towards the bat, “I thought someone was in our house.”

“I was just getting some water. And now I’m going back to my room,” Tyler starts to walk away, a little confused.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Tyler turns back around.

“Dad, I’m fine. Why are you even up?”

“I’m just being a paranoid dad, that’s all,” he walks towards Tyler, “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, dad,” his dad pats Tyler on the shoulder.

“Well, I’ll go back to bed, you do the same.”

“Okay,” they both go back the stairs and enter their own rooms. Tyler quickly pulls out the pill and swallows it, grimacing at the taste. He walks over to his bed, somehow already feeling drowsy. He plops down and pulls the covers over him, closing his eyes. He feels dumb for not thinking of this before during all those sleepless nights. Pretty soon Tyler falls to sleep.

 

Hours later Tyler wakes up to Maddy poking him. He groans and softly swats at her.

“Sleepyhead, wake up! You have an hour until you appointment,” she says while pulling on the covers. Tyler sits up to look at the clock and sure enough it was 3:00 pm, an hour before his appointment.

“Shit, I slept a while,” he says to no one in particular.

“Sure did, mom was so happy. I’m gonna go tell her that you are awake,” she walks out of Tyler’s room, closing the door.

Tyler stands up, stretching. He can’t believe he actually got some sleep, well thanks to drugs but still, he slept. He quickly looks outside to see what the weather looked like. It looks pretty windy so he decides to throw on some black skinny jeans and a maroon sweater. After he’s dressed, he smooths down his hair in the bathroom and brushes his teeth. He has to admit, he feels pretty good today.  
He stops by his room one last time before heading downstairs to pocket his phone and grab some shoes. He walks down into the kitchen to grab something to eat and sees his mother in the kitchen.

“Ah you’re awake!” She says, noticing him enter, “About time too, I thought we’d have to dump water on you!”

“I don’t think I would like that,” he says while opening the cabinet, pulling out a box of cereal.

“No one does. Milk?” She has moved to the fridge and now has the milk in her hands. Tyler takes it, fills his bowl of cereal, and hands it back. He carries his cereal over to the dining table.

“Eat quickly, we gotta go,” Tyler nods and quickens his speed with his food. A few minutes later they are heading out the door to the car.

“Did you sleep well?” His mother says as she pulls out of the drive way.

“I did, actually.”

“That makes me so happy!” She smiles so big.

“I only got to sleep because of pills mom…”

“Still you slept! But don’t make the pills a habit, okay?”

“Okay mom, I won’t,” the rest of the car ride went by quickly. Tyler and his mother talked about sleeping and other random things. Before they knew it, they reached the small, brick building yet again. Tyler hopped out of the car, remembering Josh would be here, and walked in before his mom.

He quickly scanned the room and saw Josh sitting in the same corner, but something was different about Josh. His hair was now _purple_! Tyler stares in awe and walks over.

“Hey Ty!” Josh beams, “Like the hair?”

“It’s purple,” Tyler is all he says, sitting down next to Josh, barely noticing his mother enter and sit down.

“That it is,” Josh says. Tyler looked down and sees Josh is still wearing the hoodie, “Oh right your hoodie. Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“Yeah no problem,” He grins. Josh starts to take it off to give back.

“It was so comfortable, I ended up wearing it a lot. But don’t worry, I washed it this morning,” he hands it to Tyler who sets it down in the chair next to him.

“Yeah it’s my favorite one,” right then Dave comes out with wide eyes when he sees Josh’s hair.

“Well that’s new,” he says smiling.

“Yup,” Josh says standing up, “Be back Ty.”

“Okay,” with that they both go through the door.

Tyler looks down at the hoodie and notices something in the pocket. He reaches in and pulls out a folded piece of paper. He actually smiles when he reads what it says: _Call me anytime, Ty. I wanna get to know you._ On the other side of the paper it has Josh’s number.


	6. Just Text Him!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at having an update schedule, I'm sorry

Tyler sits down on the edge of his bed, for the millionth time, and stares at the paper in his hand. His therapy session had gone by quickly, Tyler had started off by saying he forgot his medicine a few times and to his surprise Dave wasn’t furious. Dave just told him to do his best to remember them and that was that. They also had talked more about Tyler’s family. Everything Tyler said was accompanied by the sound of Dave’s pen scribbling words down. Before he knew it their time was up and Tyler headed home. And that’s where we are now.

Tyler rereads the note Josh had given him, over and over again. _Call me anytime, Ty. I wanna get to know you._ Those words rang around in Tyler’s head. He was at a complete loss for words. He didn’t know if he should call now or wait. Hell, he didn’t even know if he liked the guy. All Tyler knew was that this Josh intrigued him and he had no clue why. He also didn’t know if he wanted to find out.  
Tyler sets the paper down on his bed and stands up. He begins to pace while wringing his hands. He begins to mumble to himself.

“What if he leaves like everyone else!? What if he’s actually interested!? I’m simply perplexed by his ways, or am I perplexed by my ways?” Tyler brings his hands up to brush them through his hair. He hears his door open and he turns around.

“Dude, just text him! It’s that simple,” Zack says, looking slightly irritated.

“W-Wha- You heard me?” Tyler’s mouth hangs wide for he thought he was just talking in his head.

“Yes I heard you, now give me your phone,” Zack holds out his hand.

“W-Why?”

“So we can text this guy,” Tyler is reluctant, “Dammit Tyler c’mon,” with that Tyler quickly gives Zack his phone. Zack also asks for the number and the guy’s name.

“What are you going to say?” Tyler tries to look at what his brother is typing but Zack moves the phone away so he can’t see. “Zack! What are you saying?”

“Give me a minute,” A smile crosses his face, “Wow you must really like this guy, you don’t want me to blow it.”

“S-Shut up,” Tyler lightly hits Zack’s arm, “I’m the older brother, aren’t I supposed to pick on you!?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zack rolls his eyes and hands Tyler’s phone back, “There, is that good?” Tyler looks down at the phone and sees what Zack sent.

“‘Hey it’s Tyler,’ Wait seriously that’s it,” Tyler breathes deeply.

“Yes, that’s it, big bro,” he starts backing away towards the door, “So now I’m gonna go.”

“Wait! What do I do if he replies!?”

“Uh talk to him like a normal person. Tyler you’ll do fine. Now stop talking out loud to yourself and good luck,” with that Zack leaves him alone in the dimly lit room.

Tyler goes back over to his bed and plops down to wait for Josh to reply. He stares up at the ceiling and begins to think, a dangerous place for him. But to his surprise his thoughts aren’t dark and gruesome, they are about what Josh will say. Tyler is genuinely surprised with his mind. What is Josh doing to him?

Moment pass and Tyler’s phone buzzes. He glances over at it and see Josh texted back. He feels his stomach lurch but picks up his phone anyway.

**Josh: I was wondering when you’d text me :)**

A smiley face? Tyler doesn’t know how to respond, he freezes up. He looks up at the wall that he shares with his brother.

“Zack!” He yells to the room next to his, “He responded! What do I do?”

“Talk to him like a normal person,” says Zack’s muffled voice through the wall.

“But how!?”

“Just be yourself, say what’s on your mind!” Tyler sighs and looks back down at his phone. He suddenly notices that it says Josh is typing. _Ohgoshohgoshohgosh_!

**Josh: I’ve been wanting to get to talk to you more, you seem pretty cool**

Tyler takes a big, deep breathe and begins to type.

**Tyler: Yeah, I’ve wanted to talk to you too**

**Josh: How old are you again? I’m 18**

**Tyler: 17**

**Josh: You don’t talk much, do you?**

**Josh: Not to be rude**

**Tyler: No you’re right, actually my brother made me text you**

Tyler didn’t mean to say that, what if Josh thinks he’s not interested?

**Tyler: I mean I wanted to talk to you I just didn’t know how to start**

**Josh: Haha I understand, but don’t worry I don’t bite ;)**

He wonders what he means by that.


	7. I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short but the next two will be long :)

Tyler talked to Josh all night. They didn’t really talk about the personal stuff, it was mainly flirty jokes from Josh with Tyler not knowing how to respond and who was in their family. Tyler learned that Josh lives with his mother, father and his brother, Jordan. He told Josh who was in his family and that was that, they continued to talk about random stuff.

Tyler glances over at his clock and notices that it is one in the morning. They had literally been talking all night. He begins to wonder if Josh is tired at all.

**Tyler: Hey Josh? Are you tired?**

This ended their conversation about cereal.

**Josh: Ehh not really, besides it’s fun talking to you**

**Josh: Why, are you?**

**Tyler: No I don’t really sleep much**

He feels like he shouldn't have said that. What if Josh starts to question him about his ‘issues’? Tyler can’t handle that.

**Josh: Me either, too much anxiety and stuff**

Tyler lets out the breath that he was holding. It seems Josh has the same issues as Tyler and it’s oddly comforting. Tyler was unaware that there were people with the same issues as him, he had never met anyone like that.

**Tyler: Same here**

**Josh: So…..**

**Tyler: So..?**

**Josh: Why do you go to therapy? You seem pretty normal to me…. But then again I’m not normal….**

Tyler has been wanting to avoid this conversation at all costs. He feels as if his ‘issues’ would scare Josh away. He takes a deep breath before typing.

**Tyler: I uh.. I just have some problems**

**Josh: Like what?**

**Tyler: ……..**

**Josh: Oh come on Ty, we’ve been talking all night and everytime I bring up therapy you steer away from the conversation. I mean we met at a therapy office so I have problems too**

**Tyler: But you seem to deal, you’re always smiling……. And I’m afraid that you’ll leave me like everyone else did when they found out what was wrong with me**

**Josh: Ty, don’t be afraid of that. I won’t leave as long as you don’t leave me.**

**Tyler: Promise?**

He holds his breath. What if he doesn’t promise? What if he leaves?

**Josh: I promise.**

**Tyler: I promise too.**

**Josh: Ya know, I understand why you’d be afraid, it’s happened to me before too. I always have that fear**

**Tyler: I’m glad I’m not alone**

**Josh: You’re never alone as long as I’m here**

Tyler smiles. Josh is making Tyler smile, no one does that. This make him want to see Josh. He wants to get to know Josh, to see him, to feel him. Tyler shakes his head, is he getting feelings for Josh? He takes another breath.

**Tyler: Do you wanna hang out tomorrow? I’d rather talk in person**

**Josh: Hell yeah I do! I know this one spot in a park that is so quiet, no one goes there**

**Tyler: Ok sweet, I’ll meet you there tomorrow… what time?**

**Josh: Well if I actually sleep then probably after noon, so one?**

**Tyler: Yeah I can do that**

**Josh: I’ll see you tomorrow Tyler Joseph :)**

He lets the breath go and places his phone down on his chest. Josh won’t leave, he’s damaged like me. Josh won’t leave, he’s damaged like me. _Joshwontleavehesdamagedlikeme_. Tyler is trying to burn that into his mind, he needs to not be so on edge. Josh is different than the rest. He’ll actually stay.


	8. It's Cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been dead, school is distracting.... Enjoy!

Tyler actually got some sleep again. Just the thought of knowing Josh was different than the rest was very comforting to him. For Tyler’s whole life it’s basically only been him. When he was younger he was homeschooled so his only friends were his family. Then when he started school everyone thought he was the weird homeschooled kid. He basically had no friends, only a few nice people who would talk to him every once in awhile.

Tyler opens his eyes to the sun peaking through his bedroom window. It feels weird getting sleep, it rarely happens. A smile spreads across his face as he remembers what he is doing today. Josh. He’s seeing Josh today. Why does he intrigue him so much? Tyler doesn’t have a clue. All he knows is that he wants to get to know him. Very badly. 

He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s exactly noon. This gives him enough time to get ready. He throws off his covers and his phone falls from it onto the floor. He quickly picks it up and sees there is a text from Josh.

**Josh:** **_‘Mornin Ty :)_ **

**Tyler:** **_Morning, where is the park?_ **

**Josh:** **_Mills Rd. I’ll most likely already be there so you’ll see me_ **

**Tyler:** **_Okay sweet_ **

Tyler places his phone back on his bed and heads over to his closet to grab clothes. He grabs a black hoodie and some black skinny jeans, his usual. He throws the clothes on and heads downstairs. He walks into the kitchen and finds his mother. He mutters a good morning and grabs an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter, grimacing at the bananas.

“Hey mom, is it okay if I hang out with Josh today?” Tyler asks while sitting down at the breakfast bar, biting into the apple. 

“Well of course!” She walks over to hug him, causing his apple to fall onto the counter.

“Uh, mom?” He says, muffled into her shoulder. She squeezes him into the hug, “Mom! Can’t breathe!” She let’s go.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m just so happy you are going out to do stuff with friends,” she says as Zack walks in.

“It’s not like I don’t already do stuff,” Tyler mutters in denial. Zack laughs.

“And I have a million dollars,” Zack laughs even more.

“Tyler does stuff? I thought he lived in his room,” Zack says, going along with the joke that Tyler doesn’t find very funny. Their mother and Zack chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t do stuff but now I am so could you stop being dic- jerks!” His mother barely notices that cuss word slip up but Zack does. He smirks at his older brother.

“You’re right, we were being rude. Anyway, what time are you leaving?”

“Around one. We are going to that park on Mills Road,” he picks up the apple and continues to eat it, “I’m probably gonna leave soon.”

“Wait what’s Tyler doing?” Zack asks while sitting down next to Tyler.

“I’m hanging out with Josh today.”

“Ooohh, get it big bro,” Zack nudges him with his elbow causing Tyler to blush.

“Shut up, you shit,” Tyler whispers so his mother won’t hear.

“Morning guys,” Maddie says while walking into the kitchen, “Well afternoon,” she giggles.

“Hey Mads,” Zack says, “Guess what?”

“What?”

“Tyler is goi-”

“I am going to hang out with Josh today at the park, I don’t understand why this is a big deal!” Tyler is starting to get frustrated.

“Alright kids, stop picking on your older brother,” their mother says while starting to wash dishes.

“Okay, okay. So you got Josh’s number?” Maddie says while leaning on the counter.

“Yeah he put it in the pocket of my jacket when I let him borrow it,” Tyler says while finishing up the apple.

“Ahh!” She squeals in excitement, “That’s so cute!”

“I mean I guess….” Tyler mutters.

“Yeah that’s pretty cute, bro,” Zack agrees.

“It’s adorable, sweetie,” their mother also agrees.

“I get it, it’s cute!” Tyler is flustered, “I g-gotta finish getting ready,” he stutters while leaving the room with his head slightly down to cover his blush. Tyler goes back upstairs to finish getting ready, away from his embarrassing family.


	9. The Park pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two parts to this day at the park, I'll upload the other part later in the week. I tried to make it as cute as possible so I hope you enjoy!

Soon enough it’s almost one and Tyler gets a text from Josh.

**Josh:** **_I’m almost there_ **

**Tyler:** **_I’m about to leave_ **

He heads for the door, and does his very best to avoid his family, but fails.

“Have fun honey!” Says his mother once he enters the living room. 

“Be safe,” Maddie giggles.

“Wear protection,” Zack says while bursting out laughing. Tyler gets so annoyed he rushes past them. He’s just glad his dad is at work.

He opens the car door and jumps in. He gets a text from Josh saying that he’s there and Tyler starts up the car. He heads down the street and turns on the radio. He taps the steering wheel to the beat and pretty soon he’s at the park. He pulls over and parks on the side of the street. He gets out of the car and looks around for Josh. Standing under a large tree is the purple haired boy. Their eyes meet and Tyler walks over.

“Hey there,” Josh says with a smile. 

“Hey,” Tyler says suddenly feeling out of breath. That smile. Josh’s smile makes Tyler’s knees weak, it’s so amazing. He can’t help but staring, “So, uh where is this spot?”

“It’s over here,” Josh grabs Tyler’s hand, taking Tyler by surprise. Josh quickly pulls his hand away, “Oh is that not okay? I’m sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine,” Tyler says while grabbing Josh’s hand again, “Just caught me off guard.”

“Well I’m full of surprises,” Josh winks, “Come on,” he leads Tyler away from the tree. They go towards the pond in the park. Around one of the edges of the pond there is a little area that is enclosed by a huge willow tree and some bushes. Josh drags Tyler through the low leaves of the willow and Tyler sees a wooden bench at the base of the tree. The walk over to it and sit down.

“Woah this place is so pretty,” Tyler says while looking around as if it were a fairy tale.

“Not as pretty as you,” Josh says in a flirtatious tone causing Tyler to smirk, “Okay, Okay, I’ll admit that was pretty cheesy.”

“It really was,” Tyler laughs.

“Anyway, I have a bunch of other  _ pretty _ , secret places too that I could show to you too, if ya want,” Josh says while biting his lip.

“I’d like that,” Tyler blushes while looking down.

“Well that’s adorable.”

“W-what is?” Tyler looks up at a smiling Josh.

“You, blushing,” Josh giggles.

“Oh hush,” he says, blushing more.

“Okay, okay,” Josh says while putting his hands up as defeat, “Anyway, let’s talk about what we said we would and I’ll flirt with you later.”

“Okay,” Tyler smiles so much his cheeks hurt.

“I can go first I guess, I’ll let you cool down from my amazing flirting”

“Oh shut up, maybe I’m just cold and my cheeks just turned red,” Tyler says crossing his arms, trying to act offended.

“Surrrreee, that’s totally the reason,” Josh says while chuckling, “Anyway where do I start?”

“Uh, maybe when the issues started? Or your childhood?”

“It kind of started in my childhood so I’ll start there,” Josh suddenly becomes very serious, “I had a normal childhood I guess. Although I was kind of a weird kid, I still was very friendly and made some friends easily. Just sometimes my friends would tell me that I was just too much and they needed to be away from me for a while. I didn’t think anything of it, I would just go home and play Mario Kart or something. At school I never got into any trouble, I had okay grades, and I think I had a pretty good time. I honestly liked school, until the middle of my first year in middle school. That’s when my mom and dad almost got a divorce,” He pauses to take a breath.

“Why did they almost get a divorce?” Tyler asks. He has been listening very contently, he wants to remember every detail.

“There was this whole thing where my dad thought my mom was cheating. At the time she was pregnant with my little brother, Jordan, and he thought that it was not his baby.”

“Why would he think that? That’s a pretty strong accusation.”

“He just has very bad trust issues and she was becoming good friends with one of her male co-workers that he didn’t like much. It was just a terrible situation that I wish didn’t happen because that’s when my problems showed up. Because my dad had trust issues they began to rub off on me. I also began to feel very self conscious because I was still being pushed away by my friends. I began thinking that they felt bad for me so they only said they were my friends. That’s when I started to push them away. I started to doubt myself because no one liked me and I would shelter myself into my own little world. That’s when I got depressed,” Josh’s eyes began to water, “I wouldn’t talk to anyone, and at this time my brother was just born so he didn’t really know me the first years of his life. Even now we aren’t very close because I blocked everyone out, but he’s now old enough to understand. Around that time my parents noticed something was up because I also stopped eating and getting good grades. They confronted me and asked me all these questions, I remember exactly how I felt at that moment. I felt so many different emotions but the one that stood out the most was sadness,” a tear falls down Josh’s face.

“Hey,” Tyler says in a soft voice,”Look at me,” Josh turns his head and Tyler reaches up and wipes the tear away. He lets his hand rest on the side of Josh’s face and Josh leans into it, “You’re getting better, I can already tell and I just met you not to long ago.”

“Thank you Tyler,” Josh reaches up and takes Tyler’s hand off his face and into his hand.

“Are you okay to keep talking?” Tyler squeezes his hand lightly.

“Yeah,” Josh sniffles, squeezing back, “So, I, uh, I felt sadness along with other stuff. That’s when I had my first panic attack, all the emotions exploded and my parents kept asking me questions so I just started crying. I cried and cried until my parents walked away and my throat became dry. It wasn’t a good experience but I learned that I needed help. Later that week, I believe, I told my parents that I should go to therapy and they said okay. That’s when I started going to Dave. He helped me learn how to smile again and I gained my confidence back. I still have pretty bad anxiety though, but the depression has died out. Now I’m here, telling you my story.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Tyler says, their hands still interlaced.

“I kind of feel obliged to tell people that I want to get close to. It’s a part of me, of my life.”

“I know what you mean. It also shows how much you’ve grown as a person and in your case, how you’ve gotten better,’ Tyler squeezes his hand again and Josh squeezes back.

“Are you ready to tell me?”Josh speaks in a sincere voice, “If not, that’s okay.”

“I- uh-” Tyler stutters, “I want to tell you but it’s hard for me to let people in. When I tell you my story I’m giving you tools that can destroy my heart, and that’s scary.”

“I wouldn’t want to hurt you, Ty,” Josh says, “I just want to know you. And yeah I know there is more stuff about you than your problems. Like the way you smile when we make eye contact, or,” Josh reaches for Tyler’s chin to lift it up so their eyes meet, “those stunning deep, brown eyes that I feel myself getting lost in.”

“Josh,” Tyler blushes.

“Ty, do you trust me?” He whispers.

“Yes, I do. Somehow I do,” Tyler whispers back.

“Good,” Josh moves his face closer to Tyler, “Because I really want to kiss you and I would need you to trust me.”

“I trust you b-but I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Tyler’s mutters.

“But do you want to kiss me?” Josh’s eyes flicker from Tyler’s eyes to his mouth. They are only a few inches apart.

“I think I do.”

“Good,” and with that Josh moves completely forward and their lips collide. Josh’s soft lips fit perfectly with Tyler’s slightly chapped lips. Josh’s hand slides from Tyler’s chin and onto the side of his neck, pulling him closer. Tyler brings his hand up and rests it on top of Josh’s hand. They end the kiss and rest their foreheads together, both with big goofy grins.


End file.
